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For Fidelity: How Intimacy and Commitment Enrich Our Lives, by Catherine M. Wallace
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Drawing inspiration from both contemporary psychology and ancient spiritual traditions, Catherine Wallace presents her vision of marriage as an art and a spiritual exercise. The rewards are limitless: properly nurtured, our sexual needs and vulnerabilities turn out not to be liabilities but powerful, generative gifts.
At a time when emotional commitments are increasingly fragile and short-lived, Wallace makes a direct and eloquent plea on behalf of sexual fidelity—its blessings, its demands, its moral and emotional necessity.
- Sales Rank: #978503 in Books
- Published on: 1999-02-01
- Released on: 1999-02-02
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .50" w x 5.50" l, .56 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 192 pages
- ISBN13: 9780375700729
- Condition: New
- Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking provided on most orders. Buy with Confidence! Millions of books sold!
Amazon.com Review
Most churches don't know how to talk about sex. For honest Christians, "Don't do it" and "Don't worry about it"--the most common church teachings, depending on where you come from--are equally unworkable. Furthermore, it's painfully difficult to find books that fully engage the revelations of the sexual revolution and also take seriously traditional Christian teaching on the value of monogamy. For Fidelity: How Intimacy and Commitment Enrich Our Lives by Catherine M. Wallace manages to do just that, in a tone that is never condescending or hubristic and with a style that is always fluid, literary, and humorous. For gay, straight, young, old, married, and single readers looking for guidance about how and when to have sex, For Fidelity offers sound advice. For some, it offers the answer. For everyone, it articulates an ideal of passionate commitment that should not be ignored.
From Booklist
Wallace suspended her academic career in literary theory to raise a family. Out of the latter experience, she turned to what may be called, loosely, family theory--specifically, in the talks and tracts adapted into this book, to sexual faithfulness in marriage and how to raise children to value and practice it. She initially came to her subject, not from religious conviction, but from noting that she and other baby boomers who became parents had arrived at fidelity pragmatically and almost thoughtlessly. Her subsequent thinking eventually arrived at a religious, specifically Christian, understanding. Taking a similar journey of insight with her as she considers sexual fidelity as a discipline, the major theories of sexuality in Western culture, the nature of true intimacy, sexual fidelity as a blessing, and the teaching of fidelity to children by the storytelling of example and experience is an adventure in intellect fused with spirit. Wallace is cogent, erudite, and advanced enough in her attitudes not to quarantine gay couples from straight: sexual fidelity, she asserts, is good for all committed love relationships. Her rich little book is a philosophical argument rather than a prescriptive adviser. It demands and rewards reflective reading and may prove to be a classic on its subject. Ray Olson
From Kirkus Reviews
Five essays that articulate a thoughtful ethic, and to some extent a theology, of ``sexual fidelity in long-term, committed relationships.'' A former English professor and mother of three, Wallace draws upon both literary and religious sources (particularly Coleridge and the contemporary theologian Stanley Hauerwas) in trying to help parents steer their children between ``simpleminded hedonism [and] . . . simpleminded repression.'' Sex is about far more than physical or even emotional intimacy, she insists; it is about a unique one-to-one capacity for vulnerability and compassion. Thus, regulating one's sexual behavior involves a discipline that is grounded in our capacity for ethical living (``sexual promiscuity is a subtle but profound variety of dishonesty,'' Wallace forthrightly proclaims) and for holiness. She slips only in conflating fidelity with abstinence for adolescents (surely the young person's age and maturity, as well as the nature of the relationship, are important variables here) and in insisting that all casual sex, even among singles is ``mutually exploitative and ultimately self-denigrating.'' Why this need be so is never really spelled out; after all, for some married and unmarried couples, what the author might characterize as casual sex at or near the beginning of their relationship proved a gateway to trust, love, and commitment. But even if one doesn't agree with some of Wallace's points, one cannot help but appreciate her book. Her efforts to view sexuality in the broadest possible ethical, religious, and cultural contexts are clear-headed, well formulated, and sometimes profound. They're also helpful not only for guiding children and adolescents during an era too often characterized by ``situation ethics'' and a fear of making hard moral judgments, but also for influencing one's own behavior in intimate relationships. -- Copyright ©1998, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.
Most helpful customer reviews
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
If she could convince me....
By A Customer
This is, without question, the most wonderful book on the subject I've ever read. She is so eloquent in her prose and so lucid in her pattern of thought that I was, quite honestly, taken totally by surprise.
I, coming from a failed union, had embraced an 'open marriage' with a fervor. This book has been the only one to actually explain why and how my old life was a dead end.
While she does mention God every now and then, most of the comments are toward the end of the book -- long after the punchy arguments you're looking for are made. Any faith-based writing on her part is totally set aside. In other words, you can fully skip over it if you like. The important points totally stand on their own, without mention of religion.
I had read "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch -- long considered to be the Bible on the subject of passion and marriage. I hated it. It didn't speak to me. Where that book has the reader listening to other people's psychological problems and forcing you to try and extrapilate the point, "For Fidelity" tells you the point straight out: no allegory, no BS.
The author has a Ph.D (I think in English) -- and man does it show in the writing of the book.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Meaningful
By Penny Thoughtful
It is a rare book that manages to be intellectually stimulating and spiritually satisfying. This is one of those books. Wallace occasionally goes almost to the edge of being too academic or too religious, but redeems herself by meaningful, thought-provoking ideas about what it really means to be sexually faithful: to love one another as whole human beings, to never treat anyone as a commodity to be used, to teach kids about ethics and friendship rather than simply telling them "you'll get AIDS" or "you'll go to hell." These are some of the ideas that give true meaning and value and purpose to our lives, far beyond mere pleasure or avoidance of pain. Wallace manages to stay out of the mainstream without actually attacking it. Read this book if you long to believe that monogamy is the way to go and need some intelligent, loving reasons to back up your opinion.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
It sees both sexuality and fidelity as blessings
By ewalter@ecity.net
As a person who has done sexuality education with people of all ages over the past 25 years, I welcome this book that is framed in a discussion of the nurture and transmission of moral tradition. Not because it is a how-to manual for parents, but rather because of its examination of why this is important for children and adults alike, straight or gay. The author sees our sexuality as a blessing, and includes an excellent trip through Western Christian ideas about sexual feelings and reproduction to help us recognize the unexamined assumptions that lead to inappropriate guilt. In fact, the whole book is built on the concept of blessing from love, intimacy, parenthood, and even, when necessary, divorce.
This does not mean that she does not understand the stresses and strains that come from living together in the real world, along with the challenges of raising children, and working together as we and the world around us change over time. She has written a book from real life experience that celebrates sexuality and morality together. It provides a rich resource for thoughtful parents and adults.
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