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Love Works Like This: Moving from One Kind of Life to Another, by Lauren Slater
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“Is even the most clenched heart capable of it?” Lauren Slater asks about love, in this original, eloquent, and illuminating book about how we discover what love truly is. Slater, career-oriented and willfully autonomous, charts her own personal journey and decision-making process, starting with a list of the pros and cons, about having a child. The cons are many, the pros only one: “learning a new kind of love.” But what will that love look like? How does one reconcile the needs of the self with the demands of others? How do couples go from the dyad that is a marriage to the triad that is a family? And how can Slater adjust to losing precious control of her own carefully developed life?
Slater’s complex biological and psychological history also lies at the core of this unique and yet strikingly universal story. One of the first people ever to take Prozac, she chronicles the impossibly conflicting advice regarding pregnancy and antidepressants, and explains the rationale behind her eventual decision to stop taking the medication during her first trimester. This is Slater’s first encounter with self-sacrifice, and for her a crossroad at which modern medicine and basic human love meet.
Love Works Like This is a richly written book by “an enormously poetic and ebullient writer” (Elle magazine), an author who writes with “beauty and bravery” (Los Angeles Times Book Review) about falling in love, about growing into the ability to put someone else’s life ahead of your own, and about the rich rewards we can draw from the courage to exchange one kind of happy life for another.
- Sales Rank: #1462717 in Books
- Published on: 2002-05-14
- Released on: 2002-05-14
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: .78" h x 5.20" w x 8.26" l,
- Binding: Hardcover
- 208 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Pregnant women will find much food for thought in Lauren Slater's Love Works Like This: Opening One's Life to a Child. Psychologist Slater (Prozac Diary) remembers how she made the decision to have a child. She made a list of pros and cons, and upon siding with the only "pro" ("learning a new kind of love"), began the journey toward motherhood. In a diary-like format, she tells of her violent mood swings, disturbed appetite and uncertainty at holding a child's dress in her hands and "finding it definitely not cute." Largely a personal, biological and psychological history, Slater's book is ultimately uplifting.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
From Library Journal
Slater (Prozac Diary) prefaces her latest work by emphasizing that it is a "travelog" rather than a diary. This results from her choice of format: an abridged daily planner charting the expansion of her belly, the age of the fetus, and the sometimes beautiful, sometimes scary thoughts of a woman whose life is slowly changing. At the heart of this piercing memoir is Slater's struggle to become a mother in the face of bipolar disorder. At once sad and miraculous, the text reveals the quandary an expectant mother faces when she must take drugs that could harm the unborn child (she stopped taking Prozac during the first trimester but then resumed). It is clear that Slater wrote this not only for women like herself but also for her daughter. In the end, she realized that having a child was as important to maintaining a normal life as was her medication. An original take on an oft-discussed subject, this is highly recommended for all pregnancy and mental health collections.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
From Booklist
Slater is a practicing psychologist and author of several powerful and hard-hitting books about her own devastating battles with mental illness, as well as about the struggles of her patients. Her own mental problems under control, here she wrestles with her decision to have a child. In a diary format that covers the nine months of her pregnancy and then some, the author ceaselessly examines the changes that her decision has had on her career-driven and carefully ordered life. Slater carefully documents the biological and mental changes to her body, her decision to stop taking Prozac (and then to start taking it again after she hits bottom), the changes in her relationship with her husband, and her increasing doubts about her own abilities to be a loving mother. Like her novels Prozac Diary (1998), Welcome to My Country (1996), and Lying (2000), this book is powerful, razor-sharp, raw, and thoroughly engrossing. Slater is an excellent writer, and readers will be swept up in the tumultuous tale of her life, mental illness, and pregnancy. Kathleen Hughes
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Most helpful customer reviews
11 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Wonderful and Beautifully Written
By tharp83
As a new mom, I loved this book. It beautifully described the changes and upheavals that becoming a mother has brought to my life. While I wasn't on depressants, I too had a difficult pregnancy which I'm still coping with emotionally and physically. I too was on a variety of medications throughout the pregnancy. But the depression and medication worries are only a small part of the story in this book. If you're looking for Prozac Diaries part II as one reviewer seems to have, you're looking in the wrong place.
I too have never known that I could love this deeply, that a single smile from my baby girl would be worth more than anything I've done in my 38 years. No other writer has come close to describing the way I feel as if every molecule in my body has been rearranged. In particular her comment "Fatherhood is something you do, Motherhood is something you are" struck me. I've been fundamentally changed in so many ways that I never expected and ironically, I don't even care. I read the book thinking, "Wow! Someone has decribed how exactly how I feel and now I don't have to do it myself." She's written the book I wished I could but in prose that's so much more beautiful than anything I could have mustered.
I don't understand the reviewers who criticized her so much. Perhaps it was a father who was offended by how much the father was left out of her story. This was a story of the emotional changes involved in becoming a mother who struggled with some of the difficulties that no one tells you about.
Lastly, several of her observations have stayed with me. Like the thought that pregnancy should carry a warning label. As she points out, with all it's side effects, if it were a drug the FDA would classify it as highly dangerous. And the information that fetal cells remain in a woman's body for her entire life... parts of each child remain part of her physically in addition to emotionally ... explains so much to me now as a new mom.
I've been buying it for all my pregnant friends and new moms and we've all loved it and found it remarkable.
7 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
Honest and Informative
By A Customer
I've enjoyed other works of Lauren Slater, and this was no exception. It takes courage to write about the experiences she's had emotionally. Especially when it involves being heartfelt and honest about the giant step of having a baby.
Anyone who is pregnant or plans to become pregnant should read this book regardless of whether or not you have a history with depression or other mental illnesses. Many of the feelings and emotions Ms. Slater expresses about having a baby are ones that many women have, but are not honest enough to express. Reading about her experiences and emotions authenticates just how serious a choice having a baby is, not just for someone with mental illness, but for every responsible couple.
This is a good, informative and honest piece of writing. I would recommend it highly to anyone who wants an emotional look at what it's like to be pregnant. Ms. Slater is an excellent writer in both her use of imagery and emotion.
5 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
Eye Opening and Human
By msax202
I first read an excerpt of this book in Nell Casey's (ed.) book on writers and depression called "Unholy Ghost" and was extremely moved by Slater's ability to convey the stirring emotions of impending motherhood while still keeping her tone un-sappy and grounded.
She formats this book into a series of "journal entries" although at the beginning she acknowledges that it is not a literal outpouring of her actual journals, rather formatted as such to be more of a "travel guide" through the journey she takes through motherhood. I appreciated that note -- it helped me not discount the whole book as being annoyingly contrived.
Even mothers / people who have not struggled with depression and medications may find this book hearteningly honest although some may not appreciate or understand her perspectives. She has an almost poetic way of expressing the part of her life that has struggled through depression, and ultimately triumphs over self-doubt and her illness to begin her path toward motherhood. Interesting and inspiring overall.
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